Take a minute to think about how greedy our world is today. It's all about money now a days. Please think about things you take for granted in life that is just so enjoyable, unforgettable, and “priceless”. The choices should be endless. There are so many things every one of us on the planet has that would be remembered for a lifetime or that is expensive and makes you enjoy your life now. Think about what life would be like without these things. Think about it really hard. Life would basically suck without all these things right? Now I will introduce to you two things I value in life, one “priced” and one “priceless”.
I open my bail, swing back, and throw it out. There it goes sinking to the bottom. My shiny new Rapala slash bait reflects off the bright blinding sun. This is the life, if I could do this all day everyday I would. I begin reeling in slow and steady, hearing the clicking of the bearings. Then I give it a little twitch here and there. Nothing, so I repeat the process. Here fishy fishy, I think in my head. But the sound of the reel is too loud. I give another twitch and BAM!
Here’s where my light action rod comes into play. I pull up as hard as I can almost falling over making sure this one does not get away. My shimano reel letting out line like there’s no tomorrow. I keep my rod tip up allowing no slack for the fish to capitalize on. When then, it gets tired and this is my chance. I reel in as fast as I can but still keeping the right technique. I got it, but wait now I have to land it. I reach in; grab the pickerel on its stomach being ever so careful that its razor sharp teeth do not bite me. I admire it for a couple seconds, take a picture or two and then
Off it goes to swim another day.
We argue and argue back and fourth. He thinks he’s right and I think I’m right. But we will not find out until I do my part. I’m always up for a challenge. Any challenge, you name it and I’ll do it. So my friend thinks he’s got me beat. Doesn't think I will do anything. He didn’t think I could punch five holes in a piece of thin wood in less than one minute. So what do I do, accept the challenge. There’s no money involved. No gift. I’ll be getting a gift by the end of it though.
I clench my fist. Get ready and there goes the beep for me to start. Whack! I give the board a hard straight punch. Nothing… Oh god I though, what did I get myself into. But I wasn’t going to lose. No not this time. I punched and punched again until finally one out of five. But only thirty seconds to go. Shabam! There goes another. The third is history. The fourth is history and finally just one more. With five seconds left and bloody fists ready for more I went back and with my last ounce of energy crack. I win. The look on his face is why I went all out. Why I kept going. That was my gift. What I wanted all along. And I did get it.
I value both my fishing rod and proving someone wrong for different but similar reasons. They both give me a sense of victory or accomplishment. It makes me want to keep going. Never give up. It just makes me happy, makes me excited. And once I do it once I want to do it again and just never stop. Maybe prove people wrong in different ways and maybe keep upgrading my already expensive fishing rod. The possibilities are endless.
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I think that your connection with both your fishing rod and you proving people wrong is strong. I would like it when you work really hard at something and you get what you want.
ReplyDeleteI thought that you really described you taking the challenge and being able to punch the holes in the wall vividly. This makes for an exciting part of the story.
I think that you were organized and precise in your story.For example when you said "I clench my fist. Get ready and there goes the beep for me to start. Whack! I give the board a hard straight punch." This sentence/s are very clearly and detailed. This makes the reader want to keep reading.
I would consider putting a conclusion paragraph on the end. That is one of the criteria and that would be fee points off. Otherwise it was a good essay.
Chris, great story. I can see that from your story, you value victory things that get you motivated. You must've been pretty motivated to keep punching the holes while you bled. In the frst paragraph it caught me how you tell me that you should't take things for granted.
ReplyDeleteThe part that caught me the most is definitely the fishing part. You describe every little step in great detail before you actually catch the fish. "I keep my rod tip up allowing no lack for the fish to capitalize on". Gives me a good visual.
Your word choice and vocabulary is most definitely one of your strengths. You use big words such as capitalize, technique, unforgettable, etc. It really lets me as the reader, get a sense of what you mean and it explains everything throroughly.
I would say to work on your comparison and contrasting. There isn't much detail, but regardless, I still understood what you meant. Just next time work on that for future reference. Overall Chris, great story. Keep up the good work!
This essay showed that Chris values victory, redemption, and showing that someone who tries to talk down on him will get proved wrong. His fishing rod shows that he can catch a fish that most others can't. It represents talent in which he can be victorious. Chris's ability to prove people wrong through showing that his side of the argument is right by reason shows that he does not over or under estimate his side of the argument. The value of proving someone wrong is a great feeling, especially when you prove it through physical proof.
ReplyDeleteFishing is most vividly described in this story. Chris describes that feeling of adrenaline and triumph as the fish is losing the fight against him and his rod. Every little feeling that he feels as he reels the fish in closer to him. This feeling can only be felt so often, because victory takes effort. Reeling the fish in is an amount of effort worthy of the feeling once the fish is in your grasp.
This essay really reflected the values Chris has. He showed how feeling triumphant is one of the greatest feelings he can have. When he looked into the other person's face after punching five holes in a minute through the thin wood, he got the reward he wanted all along. To see the suprise and anger in the other person's face shows Chris was right and here was living proof that his side of the argument was right.
One piece of advice I give you, Chris, is to watch your punctuation, spelling, and grammar. There weren't very many mistakes, but a few that you would notice when reading. So just be careful when writing of small mistakes. Otherwise, it was a great report which gave reasons to back up why you value your fishing rod and proving someone wrong.
1)CHRIS! I love the story I'm gona give yu a nice comment cuz yu wre nice to me! nyhu gd story I liked it alot it showed yo values are victory aND redemption.
ReplyDelete2) I love the way you describe realing in the fish itz pretty good lyk! personallyl gawd kno's i cudnt fish man itz sooooooooo boring hw du yu du it lyk??
3) Yo essay rly showed me what your bvalues were. you showed emotions very well and made it relatable.
4) I kno i can't rly tell yu about bad grammar nd all bt yu myt wna improve it a bit. bt nyhu gud job!!
Chris, good story, you wrote a good piece of writing. You tell people that your fishing ro is kind of like your third arm, but more valuable than the second one. you said "I open my bail, swing back, and throw it out. There it goes sinking to the bottom." at that moment i could feel your joy, the way you wrote it made me understand how much you love fishing. one of your strenghts in your writing is that you keep the reader interested with dialog from you, and not just telling a stoy. the one thing i suggest is that you add more detail in your writing, you do a good job telling the sory, but you need to use some juicy gushers.
ReplyDeletechrissy!
ReplyDeletei can tell you really enjoy fishing, charlie moore seems to have a great connection between him and fishing and even when he was broke he still contiued on until he finnaly got his big break. This shows he had a lot of pasion for it. This probably wouldnt be a book i would grab off the shelf and be like YES this is the best book EVER but it seems like a great book for a certain person with a interest in fishing and the outdoors.
GREAT JOB CHRIS!! :)